A long week

So the other day I woke up as usual, got out of bed as usual and went to take my pills little did I know that I was out.

Panicing I went to college to speak to my councilor. The day after there was a reply from my mental health team, they said I had to go to hospital to get a perscription. my councilor vencherd to the hospital with me and we attained my meds.

unfortionatly because I hadn't had them for a number of days they were out of my system. this meaning that I had to rebuiled the levels back up over the next few weeks.

so symptoms began to develop. Symptoms I hadn't had in a while. until finally my biggest fears burst into life again whilst I was at college.

As you can imagine this did not go very well. panicing, unable to breathe I tried to escape my class room and stumbled down to my councilors office. after an hour or so I had recoverd but the whole experiance had shook me, it was almost painfull to be like that again and reminded me of a lot of bad times.

There is one thing that this experience taught me and that is my medication is helping me and hopefully will eventually get rid of all my symptoms for good.

A day outside

Maybe it is just a phase that im going through. Maybe thats why it hurts. Everythiing feels like a lashing. It hurts so much.

I can not even begin to wonder what I should do with myself until this passes. It all seems futile. It's hard to even understand what people are saying to me. I carn't say im coping very well.


The final thing which occoured to me was why live life from dream to dream?
If you understand these words, if you truely understand the meaning behind them everything becomes questioned. All without answer.

Thwn you come to a logical conclusion why do we dream at all? Why do we live? to attain knowladge and experiences? to pass on a 'legacy'? at the end of the day whatever you do is going to be meaningless to the world and it is this which is more than I can stand.

A bad day 25/08/12

So today im not feeling to great. as if im lost.

Empty and alone. it doesn't matter if anyone reads this or not because nothing really matters at all.
to cope I wounderd down town, lost, scared and crying but i didn't know what else to do. I stumbled through town listening to all of the strange noises and seeing all the people living the rat race. It desturbed me. made me feel sick. a huge blow, almost  a stabbing pain.

I wounderd out of town and up a long tree lined street. I stopped as the end, walked up to the bridge then fell to my knees sobbing uncontrolably with my head reasting against the barier and whilst I knelt I sat and imagined what it would be like if I simply jumped.
I imagened falling for a few breath seconds then, finally meeting the cold hard ground below with an allmighty thump, then the pain, agony even a slow cold death.
the thought of hitting that floor, all though it was an erge the though of it made me cringe and hold my head tightly.

now I'm home stuck in some sort of a horride limbo, just waiting for something. anything. good or bad.

Bryonpal

What to do?

What to do?

Hi everyone, I want to start a discustion on what to do when facing a crisis.
weather the crisis is heaing voices, seeing things, or even experiencing strange sensations.

personaly when i am in crisis I sit tight and wait for it to pass, however at times when I feel unable to cope and begin to contemplate suicide I ring a trusted friend who manages to talk me out of it and will stay with me until my crisis has passed.

I would like to know what you do, this may help to support everyone going through times of crisis as you maybe able to offer different solutions and give each other help.

thank you, Bryonpal

An introduction

Hello all,

This is my first post on a blog I have created to help those in need. I wish to remain

anonyms as this is most comfortable to me, others may also do this if they choose to. I hope this blog will become filled with peoples problems whether they are schizophrenic or not, I will offer solutions and will try to support you. Personally i will be recording a day to day life of living with schizophrenia, I hope this will comfort others in the knowledge that they are not alone. Thats all for now. I hope this helps.

Thank you,

Bryonpal